Sharing on finances bonds couples
February 13th, 2008, 2:18 am Hobby Shops
Many of you complain that your spouse or partner spends too much (or too little), makes lousy investments or keeps money matters a secret. You tell me, but you don’t always tell him or her.
You don’t have to agree on everything–Georgina and I don’t–but you need to both speak up and listen with care to each other’s financial dreams and concerns.
It doesn’t matter whether you keep joint or separate accounts, set a limit on spending or not or invest conservatively or aggressively. What matters is that you communicate and agree on what works for you.
Even long-married couples don’t always communicate. In a Fidelity Investments survey last year of 502 couples married to each other an average of 24 years, spouses were interviewed separately. More than a third didn’t know when their spouse planned to retire, and more than a third also envisioned different retirement lifestyles.
Georgina and I enjoy a fun-filled semi-retirement because we planned it together. That will be a specific item on my 36-item list this year, along with nine worth repeating from the 2002 column:
I am grateful Georgina married me when I had little money, did without things she wanted so we could save and had the resolve to start a freelance writing career while caring for our newborn daughter at home.
She made savings a fun family project, showed us how to enjoy simple things such as walk in the park and planned inexpensive family vacations.
She helped me track all expenses, learned about financial matters (not her favorite subject) so we could make decisions together and helped me invest.
Now I’ll add the new items. I am grateful to Georgina for:
– Not being angry with me when a speculative investment I made went bad. Steering me clear of subsequent questionable investments. Reviewing our finances periodically.
– Continuing to enjoy and elevate her writing career.
– Continuing to save in simple ways, including clipping coupons. Speaking up effectively against bad service, often getting refunds or discounts. Being a tough bargainer, often bringing down estimates and prices. Buying good-quality items that last, such as clothes.
– Making sure house and car are kept in good repair and clean. Being the “handywoman” around the house (I am a klutz).
– Finding a healthy balance between saving and spending. Spending intelligently on what’s important to us. Making me realize experiences are more valuable than things. Encouraging me to spend for hobbies she does not share. Asserting her desire and right to spend for what’s important to her. Questioning expenditures that may take away from what’s most important to us. Making the holidays a time for sharing, not extravagance.
– Putting family first. Fostering a loving relationship with our daughter, son-in-law and two grandchildren. Making me a better grandfather in the process.
– Planning memorable family reunions. Planning memorable trips for the two of us.
– Serving as my role model for healthy living.
– Encouraging me to volunteer in the community. Making me a more sociable and well-rounded person.
– The last item, No. 36 this year, is the same as No. 30 in 2002: Always being there, ready to share the rest of my life.
Humberto Cruz is a columnist for Tribune Media Services. E-mail him at yourmoney@tribune.com.
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