Couple upset after old friends become closer to other friends
March 22nd, 2008, 8:38 pm Hobby Shops
I’ll call them “Couple No. 2.”About five years ago, these two couples met at an occasion we had for our daughter. Husband No. 1 became completely attached to Husband No. 2.They became inseparable, and the wives got along well too. They discovered they had a lot in common, with grown children, similar incomes and tastes. Husband No. 1 joined the hobby that my husband had shared with Husband No. 2.At this point, they’ve gone on cruises together, taken vacations together and built up a strong bond. When we all get together, they discuss things they’ve done or plan on doing %26#8212; just the four of them. Our child is much younger, so we are not available to participate in their trips, some of which we find out about after the fact. My husband and I feel like fifth wheels. It is very awkward.Couple No. 1 have other close friends, and we wonder if we ever became as close to their friends if it would bother them. We haven’t talked about this with them; we know we can’t expect them not to be friends, but is there some sort of friends “etiquette” that Couple No. 1 should have followed when they met and pursued Couple No. 2?%26#8212; ConfusedDear Confused: The only etiquette for friends to follow is the etiquette all of us should follow %26#8212; to be kind and respectful. People shouldn’t dump their friends. But were you dumped?Relationships are complicated. We may expect complication in our romantic lives, but many of us believe that our relationships with friends and family should be simple, straightforward and static. When friendships change or wane, it can be quite painful. The fact that you formed a close bond with Couple No. 1 many years ago doesn’t mean they (and you) won’t continue to form new friendships and click with others. You seem to believe that these two couples are cheating on you with one another.Perhaps there are things you could all do as a group that might bring you closer to both couples. However, you are also going to have to accept that you are at a different stage of life and may need to find new friends who are more available to you.As tough as it is, try not to take this personally.
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