Go Do It Lisa Lampanelli is the Queen of Mean
February 16th, 2008, 4:54 am Hobbies And Interests
Comic Lisa Lampanelli may have lost her big butt, but she’s still got her big mouth.”I’ve said now that I’ve lost weight, I could get an Hispanic, an unemployed white or a hot black,” brags Lampanelli. “And a hot lesbo. But I can’t go there yet. I’m not jumping onto the tuna boat until I’m 50, and I’m completely giving up.”Panties starting to bunch? Jaw on the floor? Oh, stop it.Lampanelli, a self-proclaimed “chubby white girl” until 40 pounds ago, has no time for prudes who think her raunchy, stereotype-jammed comedy assault crosses the line.”What line? There’s no line,” Lampanelli proclaims. “It’s arbitrary.”This comedically perfect mindset is what allows Lampanelli to strut gleefully across theater stages boasting about her proclivity for sleeping with African-American men.”You can so tell that my act is sort of just poking fun at people who really would say such things,” Lampanelli explains. “And if you’re that retarded that you don’t get it, then it’s, like, I don’t even want to deal with those type of audience members.”Fortunately for Lampanelli, plenty of people do get the joke. A former copy editor who didn’t even attempt stand-up until she was 30, Lampanelli, now 46, is one of comedy’s fastest-rising stars. Her 2007 album, “Dirty Girl,” was nominated for a Grammy Award. She’s in the process of pitching a sitcom to Showtime or HBO. She also had parts written for her in upcoming movies, including “Drillbit Taylor” with Owen Wilson. “And he did not try to kill himself because my acting sucked,” Lampanelli adds. “That’s all I want to say!”A Syracuse University graduate, Lampanelli grew up in Connecticut watching Dean Martin roasts on TV with her parents. She first raised eyebrows at the New York Friars Club roast of Chevy Chase in 2002. Three years later, the still relatively unknown Lampanelli dominated Comedy Central’s widely watched “Roast of Pamela Anderson.”Within a month, she was selling out clubs in advance. Nowadays, Comedy Central doesn’t hold a roast unless Lampanelli is able to participate, she says proudly.”It really feels good,” Lampanelli says, “because you’ve got to admit, that’s a nice ego boost when they’re like, ‘Are you available when Flavor Flav is?’ “That,” Lampanelli adds, “was a fun-ass roast.”Flavor Flav? Talk about pitching a fat one down the middle.”I know, but he’s so sweet,” Lampanelli says. “That’s the thing about poor Flav. He is who he is.”So does Lampanelli ever feel bad for her victims?”Not that kind of guy, because he can take a joke,” she says. “And he doesn’t take himself seriously. He’s very cool. But when somebody’s kind of - I don’t know, I felt a little sorry for Bea Arthur when she left the Pam Anderson roast a little early, and I didn’t get a chance to go at her. “Part of me was like, well, wait, bitch. You know it’s a roast. You got paid. I mean get a f—ing grip. I don’t like to see people who take themselves all serious. We have to just grin and bear it. So do they.”Arthur was truly bummed?”I think so,” Lampanelli says, adding: “Ah, waa-waa!”This dichotomy between sensitivity and cruelty, good and evil, is what makes Lampanelli’s routine as the “loveable Queen of Mean” so ingenious. It’s difficult to imagine other comedians getting away with her racially charged humor. Lampanelli likens her approach to Steve Martin’s tamer arrow-through-the-head guy: You could laugh at the gag on its surface, but you also could chuckle because Martin was lampooning performers who actually did that sort of comedy.”If half the people in the audience get it, and say, ‘Oh, that was a funny black joke, or a funny Jew joke, eh - that’s OK,” Lampanelli says. “But when they say, ‘Wow, I get it,’ and it brings all people together, and we’re all the same, and we’re all minorities, and blah, blah, blah …” then you go, “OK, it’s been gotten on that second level.”Either way, being mean can be strangely unifying.”It’s not mean, it’s the fact that you’re making fun of every single race, you’re not leaving anybody out,” Lampanelli says. “That’s why people get it. Because they get that, ‘Wow, oh my God. We’re the same as the fags, we’re the same as the blacks, we’re the same as the Asians.’ Lampanelli’s real-life flaws - including her weight, which has been a staple of her act - are precisely what give her wide leeway on stage. But Lampanelli doesn’t consider herself self-deprecating.”I don’t make fun of myself first. I totally disagree that you have to make fun of yourself first in order to get them to like you. “The self-deprecating part is how they can sense you have your problems. You have your insecurities. You’re vulnerable. … I’m not some f—ing model. So it’s inadvertently self-deprecating where they go, ‘Hey, she looks just like one of us, she’s not some f—ing Claudia Schiffer up there.’ “Maybe not, but Lampanelli is kind of going Oprah on us these days. Lampanelli lost the weight, she says, for health reasons.”It definitely helps to have AIDS,” she says. “I mean, it’s the best diet ever.”Seriously, couldn’t weight loss affect Lampanelli’s appeal by making her a less sympathetic figure?”No, no, no,” Lampanelli says. “They know that I hate myself. And the fact is, it’s like all comics, really. No matter how much therapy we get, we’re still going to be self-hating douchebags.”Fair enough. Nevertheless, comedy fans should probably leave Grandma home when they go check out a Lampanelli concert.”It’s not for everybody,” she admits. “You know, Sarah Silverman isn’t for everybody. Cathy Griffin isn’t for everybody. Carlos Mencia isn’t for everybody. But you find your audience, you sell your 2,000 tickets a night, and that’s enough to make a good livin’ with two houses and two smokin’ Toyota Camrys! Who gives a s–t?”Michael Deeds: 377-6407
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